Stargate 5 tings 3
by Ninjana
Summary: The 5 kids Jack Doesn't like, the 5 ways Teal'c dated Cam, the 5 times Cassie wished she was an earth child, the 5 things John Shepherd Won't be telling his brother, Mostly funny, a few angsty bits.


The 5 ways Teal'c dated Cameron Mitchel

1) By asking Cam about Beta videos(versus VHS). His correct answer confirmed that he was at least thirty.

2)By telling Cam that Sodan cloaks only worked on 2 people at once if you held hands. It had worked on O'Neill as well, when he used the same line with the Tollan Phase devices.

3)By getting Cam to participate in a Jaffa rite of unity, or possibly it should be translated as civil union. Linguistic technicalities were more DanielJacksons area of expertise.

4)By covering Colonel Mitchel while he slept in candied nuts from P3X-479. By morning they were impossible to pry off without removing skin. The mission was cut short so he could go to the infirmary to have them surgerically removed. For weeks after Cam smelled vaguely almondy. He actually thought it was pretty funny. Teal'c still doesn't understand the appeal of practical jokes, and has vowed this will be his only one.

5) He invited him "fishing" as that was the code word SG-1 had been using for years.

The 5 things Shepherd will never tell his brother

Warning-liberal use of in this post. Spoilers for the episode Dave was in.

1) John would tell him that he kind of looks like that guy from Blood Ties, Mike Celluci.

2) John would tell him on a good day he might pass for the guy who played Paceys brother on Dawsons Creek.

Not that he watched that show or anything.

3) John would tell him that he also looks like Dylan Shaw, from the Bold and The Beautiful-his ex-wife's indulgence, not his. Really.

4)John would tell him that he was kind of a jerk, through out both their entire lives.

5) John won't be telling Dave any of these things. Becasue as unpleasant as Dave is, he's pretty much the only family John has left and he loves him.

John won't be telling Dave that either.

The 5 Kids Jack Didn't Like(w/swears)

Spoilers for a couple episodes: Fragile Balance, Show and Tell , and for Buffy(yes, you read that right, I did a crossover, sort of. So ashamed right now)

1) Charlie, his son. Because he died, and sometimes Jack hates him for it.

2) Charlie, the Retu kid, after he got snaked with a Tokra. There's just something unsettling about that voice, the presence of a creature that's lived for centuries and a childs face. They never did play ball like Jack promised.

3)Mini Jack, his (possibly evil) clone. Especially after the little shit sent Carter lingerie for Christmas one year. The worst part is that she thinks it's funny. He is such a little bastard.

4)The Anointed One, from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Not that he watches that show or anything. It's just that everyone was over at Janet's place doing a Cassie 'extended family' thing and she made them all watch it. That Anointed Kid really is annoying, almost as annoying as Dawn was that first season she was on the show, but she turned out alright. Yep, Anointed One was just awful.

Not that he watches that show or anything.

5)Jack hates the larval Gouald in every Jaffa he's killed since this whole thing started. Because he knows they're just guys following orders, who have no option B, and if it weren't for the snake in their guts they'd still be alive and his hands would be a hell of a lot less bloody.

The 5 Times Cassie wished she was an Earth Child

Spoilers for Rite of Passage

1.Holidays. It takes a few years before she understands the facts about things like Santa, and the Easter Bunny, and Valentine cards. As she gets older she learns how to go through the motions-but she never really understands them. They're not her holidays.

2.Vaccinations. More specifically the 10 years of shots she gets all in one sitting. If she'd been born here most of those needles would have happened when she was a baby.

3. When Nirti comes for her, because her DNA is advanced or something. Things like that don't happen to Earth kids.

4.The Tooth Fairy. Daniel tries to explain the concept to her and she stays up all night with her hand over her mouth, refusing to sleep. It takes Janet (and then Sam, who then calls Jack, who drives Teal'c over too) all day to talk her down. They explain about fairy tales and mythical creatures and the things parents tell their kids. They say all kids have a tooth fairy who take their teeth and it's nothing to worry about. Maybe on Earth, Cassie thinks. Such creatures were feared on Hanta. They stole children on her world.

5. Every time Cassie has to lie about where she's from. Some of the most important, most interesting HUGEST things in her life happened on Hanta. She can't tell her friends, or her boyfriend, and some day she'll have to lie to her kids.


End file.
